- Directors: Kevin Smith
- Producers: Scott Mosier
- Writers: Kevin Smith
- Genres: Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy, Mystery
- Actors: Ben Affleck, George Carlin, Matt Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Jason Lee, Jason Mewes, Alan Rickman, Chris Rock
An old man looks at the ocean from a New Jersey boardwalk outside a skee ball arcade. He is beaten into a coma by three hockey stick-wielding teenagers, the Stygian Triplets.
Two fallen angels â€” Bartleby (Ben Affleck), a watcher, and Loki (Matt Damon), formerly the Angel of Death â€” were banished from Heaven after Bartleby convinced Loki to quit his position and find one that doesn’t involve mass slaughter. This culminates in Loki giving God the finger, and both angels being exiled to Wisconsin and permanently banned from Heaven. The two see their potential salvation when a church in Red Bank, New Jersey, celebrates its centennial anniversary with a plenary indulgence. By passing through the doors of the church, they can have their sins forgiven and upon death regain access to Heaven. They don’t realize by doing this they will overrule the word of God. Since the basis of existence is that God is infallible, proving God wrong would destroy existence.
Metatron (Alan Rickman), the seraph who acts as the Voice of God, appears to abortion clinic worker Bethany Sloane (Linda Fiorentino) and gives her the task of preventing Bartleby and Loki’s return. Bethany is initially against the mission as she has lost her faith in God due to her infertility and subsequent divorce. Bethany is attacked by the Stygian Triplets and saved by Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith), two prophets whom Metatron said would appear. She is also aided by Rufus (Chris Rock), the thirteenth apostle, left out of the Bible because he is black, and Serendipity (Salma Hayek), a Muse with writer’s block turned stripper. Bethany learns that she is the Last Scion, the last descendant of Mary and Joseph, and the last relative of Jesus Christ.
Bethany removes the life support from God’s human body, allowing Him/Her to escape â€” and inadvertently killing Bethany. God (Alanis Morissette) manifests at the church before Bartleby, who apologizes for his acts. God kills Bartleby with the power of Her voice. Silent Bob shows up with Bethany’s bloodstained corpse. God resurrects Bethany and conceives an heir inside her. The heavenly beings return to Heaven through the church doors.