- Directors: David S Ward
- Producers: James G Robinson, Joe Roth, Mark Rosenberg, Chris Chesser, Irby Smith
- Writers: David S Ward
- Genres: Comedy, Sport
- Actors: Tom Berenger, Charlie Sheen, Corbin Bernsen, Rene Russo, Wesley Snipes, Chelcie Ross, Dennis Haysbert, Bob Uecker, James Gammon
Rachel Phelps, a former Las Vegas showgirl, has inherited the Cleveland Indians baseball team from her deceased husband. She wants to move the team to the warmer climate of Miami. In order to do this, she must reduce attendance at Municipal Stadium below a total of 800,000 ticket sales which will trigger an escape clause in the team’s lease with the city of Cleveland. After she moves the team, she would also be able to release all the current players and replace them with new ones. She instructs her new General Manager Charlie Donovan to hire the worst team possible from a list she has already prepared. The list includes veteran catcher Jake Taylor, who has problems with his knees, and was last playing in Mexico, incarcerated pitcher Rick Vaughn, the brash but speedy center fielder Willie “Mays” Hayes (who was not invited to camp), power hitting outfielder Pedro Cerrano, who practices voodoo to try to help him hit curve balls, veteran pitcher Eddie Harris, who lacks a strong throwing arm and is forced to doctor his pitches, and third baseman Roger Dorn, who is already under contract but is a high-priced prima donna. As manager, Phelps hires Lou Brown, a tire salesman who “has managed the Toledo Mud Hens for the last 30 years”.
With two outs in the bottom of the ninth, Hayes manages to single to first and subsequently steals second. Taylor is next to bat, and after signaling back and forth with Brown, points to the bleachers, calling his shot. However, Taylor bunts instead, catching the Yankees infield off-guard. Despite his weak knees, Taylor get to the first base safely. Hayes, knowing that the infield is focused on catching Taylor at the first base, clears the third base and goes for the home, catching the Yankees off guard again. Hayes slides safe into home, giving the Indians the win. As the team celebrates, Dorn punches Vaughn in the face but then helps him up to continue the celebration, while Jake finds Lynn in the stands, who raises her left hand to show that she is no longer wearing an engagement ring, indicating that she wishes to be with him.
- Directors: Ron Underwood
- Producers: Billy Crystal, Irby Smith
- Writers: Lowell Ganz, Babaloo Mandel
- Genres: Comedy, Western
- Actors: Billy Crystal, Bruno Kirby, Daniel Stern, Patricia Wettig, Helen Slater, Jack Palance
Mitch (Billy Crystal) has just turned 39 years old, and is thick in the middle of a midlife crisis. His best friends are also having midlife crises of their own. Phil (Daniel Stern) is stuck managing his father-in-law’s grocery store, while trapped in a sexless marriage with an overbearing wife. Ed (Bruno Kirby) is a successful businessman and playboy, struggling with the idea of monogamous marriage and the pressure to have kids.
At Mitch’s birthday party, Phil and Ed present their joint gift: a two-week Southwestern cattle drive for all three men. After some hesitation, Mitch accepts the gift and travels to New Mexico, where the three men meet the several other participants of the cattle drive. The men slowly “learn the ropes” of moving a herd and even have a tense encounter with the two professional cowboys (T.R. and Jeff) who work the drive while being drunk. The encounter is stopped with the arrival of Curly (Jack Palance), the wisened, tough-as-nails trail boss, who chastises the cowboys for being intoxicated on the job and warns them strongly not to let it happen again.
Curly, the cowboys, and all the participants begin the long drive to Colorado. Mitch and Curly immediately dislike one another, and while Mitch fairly gets along with the majority of the others, opinions get worse when he inadvertently causes a destructive stampede. Afterwards, Curly and Mitch ride alone in the canyons to find some stray cows, and after being forced to spend the night alone, the two finally bond with one another. The next morning, Curly and Mitch are forced to deliver a calf in the wilderness. After the mother cow dies (Curly delivered the Coup de Grace by shooting the mother cow in the head to stop her dying painfully), Mitch adopts the calf and names it “Norman.” The two then rejoin the main drive.
The final test of the drive means crossing a dangerous river. The men drive the herd across the river during a storm, but Norman starts to drown. Mitch rescues him with a lasso (something he did not master previously in the story) but gets caught in the rapids. Phil and Ed race down the bank and save Mitch and Norman. The men smile on the river bank, all having overcome their crises. The three lead the herd back successfully to the Colorado ranch, where they learn, to their slight dismay, that the ranch owner, Clay Stone, intends to sell the cows to a meat company for a huge profit. Mitch returns to his family in New York a happy man, promising to live a more meaningful life. In addition, Mitch spares Norman from slaughter by purchasing him and bringing the calf home as a pet.