Meet the Spartans

  • Directors: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
  • Producers: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, Peter Safran
  • Writers: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
  • Genres: Comedy, War
  • Actors: Sean Maguire, Carmen Electra, Diedrich Bader, Ken Davitian, Method Man, Nicole Parker

The film opens with a Spartan elder inspecting a talking baby ogre. The baby vomits on the inspector and is then discarded with a punt off the hill. Next, he inspects a Vietnamese baby, and Brangelina instantly adopts it. Baby Leonidas is then inspected, having a six-pack, biceps, and beard from birth. He is accepted as a Spartan and prepared for kinghood through his childhood training, from fighting his grandmother to enduring torture. Leonidas (Sean Maguire) is then cast out into the wild, and survives the harsh winter while killing a giant dancing penguin, who defecates on his face. Returning a king for his inauguration ceremony, Leonidas sees Margo (Carmen Electra) dancing and asks her to marry him, to which she responds by giving him the combination to her chastity belt.

Years later, Leonidas is training when Captain (Kevin Sorbo) informs him that a Persian messenger has arrived. The messenger has come to present Xerxes’ demands for Sparta’s submission. Leonidas arrives to greet the messenger in the Spartan way (high-fives for the women and open mouth tongue kisses for the men). After growing angry with both the messenger’s disrespect and making out with his wife, Leonidas kicks him, the messenger’s bodyguards, and then several other people he simply disliked, ranging from Britney Spears (Nicole Parker), Ryan Seacrest, and Kevin Federline (Nick Steele) to Sanjaya Malakar (Tony Yalda) and the American Idol judges into “the pit of death”. As Leonidas walks off he turns to a column that has a switch that reads “Garbage Disposal”, and flips the switch causing the celebrities to spiral to their “death”.

The film ends with a musical number set to Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” performed on American Idol by all of the characters in the film. It also spoofs Britney Spears’ VMA comeback performance.

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