- Genres: Animation, Comedy, Musical
Valentine’s Day approaches, and Wendy suggests ways to spend time with her boyfriend, Stan (to Cartman’s amusement). However, when schoolteacher Mr. Garrison goes to get a rhinoplasty, a new substitute named Ms. Ellen (voiced by Natasha Henstridge who was referred to in the opening credits as “the chick from Species”) comes, and all the boys in class find themselves inexplicably enamored with her, including Stan (who pukes when his name is called). Wendy becomes incredibly jealous, when the boys decide to buy Valentines gifts for her, despite the fact that Ms. Ellen does not particularly like them. At the same time, Chef is also actively trying to pursue her love. After school, Wendy approached Ms. Ellen and demands she stay away from Stan, thinking that Ms. Ellen likes him more than any of the other students. Her exact words are, “Don’t fuck with me! Stay away from my man bitch or I’ll whoop you sorry hoe ass back to last year!”
Concerned about the children’s education, since they seemed to have learned nothing under Mr. Garrison, Ms. Ellen reveals she has a spelling test for the class and she will buy dinner for the winner. The boys, by this time, are actively trying to court Ms. Ellen, but Chef (having beaten them in their attempts of courtship) warns them she is a lesbian and thus she only likes other lesbians. Even Kenny is ignorant of what a lesbian is, and the boys try to become lesbians themselves in order to win Ms. Ellen’s heart. A short comedic scene that follows shows Cartman licking the floor in his living room, explaining that his mom told him that “to become a lesbian, he has to lick carpet”. Upon hearing this all the other boys start to do this as well.
Concurrently, a large group of women rampages the streets in search for Mr. Garrison. Mr. Garrison, frightened by all the attention and horny women, decides to return to his normal looks. Wendy reclaims Stan as her boyfriend. As she is about to kiss him, Stan vomits as usual. Wendy is relieved that things are back to normal. At the end of the episode, as Kyle is questioning the unusual end of Ms. Ellen, Wendy speaks with the Iraqi men in fluent Arabic and pays them with a wad of American money. Wendy, slightly deranged, watches as the rocket blows up in the sun. Kyle, who figures out what actually happened, was about to object on this, but she finishes with her eyes flashing, declaring “I told her: ‘Don’t fuck with Wendy Testaburger!'”